Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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