I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
