no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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