Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
