Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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