erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
