i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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