Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He passed out mid-signature
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
