Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
