you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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