I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
