i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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