WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
