We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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