I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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