Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
