Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
