so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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