I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wish there were birth control emojis
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
