I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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