I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
