imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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