No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize