Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
