I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
