Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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