the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
