I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
