i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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