I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
