When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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