I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize