chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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