thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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