i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
