we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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