I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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