I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
