I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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