I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I want to make a zoo with you.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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