so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
