In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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