I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
