I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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