Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
