saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
