my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
