So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He passed out mid-signature
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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