I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
