at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
