I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
