I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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