All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
