Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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