You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
