Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
