Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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