how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
