I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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