I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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