Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
