She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
