Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
