i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
